Invisible Women book review

We read "Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men" by Catoline Criado Perez for my book club at the start of this year and it's taken me this long to get around to writing the review but I didn't want to miss this chance to talk about it because it's such a great book. It's based around the premise that the standard human is always considered to be a roughly 70 kilo man and all the negative repercussions that has for women when they are discounted.

At the start of the book I found it very interesting hearing about how even language affects sexism. Countries that have more gender neutral words such as "doctor" in English versus "Arzt / Arztin" in German for instance tend to be less sexist in general. There were things that didn't surprise me such as how women's trousers generally don't have pockets and phones are designed to fit perfectly into a man's hand. However as I kept reading, I eneded up feeling more and more angry about how much women have been overlooked and how far reaching the affects of this are.

For instance crash test dummies are based on men's bodies and so car seats are designed based around that, meanding women end up with higher chances of being badly injured in a car crash. The medical world studies "human anatomy" which is all based on men and their symptoms and then usually only have one course on "women's health". I was reminded of a tiktok video I saw recently where a male doctor clearly hadn't a clue about how periods work! Time and time again research grants aren't given in areas that primarily affect women such as period pain since issues that affect women are considered less important.

There was a lot in the book that I could relate to and could see happening to my friends. For instance it spoke about the challenges for women who want to work after having kids. In Ireland there is good maternity leave, however the cost of childcare is extremely high and it's rare to be offered part time options so there are many women who quit their jobs afterwards. In Germany childcare is generally affordable and by law you are entitled to work reduced hours until your child is a certain age which helps a lot. However it is generally the mother who has to miss work and stay home if the child is sick. All over the world a significantly higher proporion of unpaid work falls on women - childcare, household tasks and care work. There are many women who end up having to leave the workforce in order to mind elerly or disabled relatives for instance. Being off work affects women's pensions naturally. Women tend to be exposed to more chemicals which also negatively affects our health.Not to mention women are more at risk of suffering sexual assult and abuse.

I also learned how much representation matters. When young children are asked to draw a "doctor" for instance they were equally as likely to draw a male or female doctor however past a certain age, then they are way more likely to draw a male doctor. Young girls seeing images of female scientists in their school text books helps them see that this could be a career for them and something as small as that can make a huge difference. Having a female quota in certain jobs actually helps weed out the mediocre men while including more competent women.

The book is incredibly well researched and it feels very sciency and heavy and times to read but overall well worth it. In fact I think it should be conpulsary reading for everyone! It did make me feel angry and upset at times at all the injustices to women. However the book gives many positive examples of things that are changing for the better so it's not all negative thankfully. The more women there are now in leadership roles for instance, the more younger women will see that as an option for them. Let me know you're thoughts if you've read the book or are thinking about it!

We can't all have marriages like the Obamas #MicroblogMonday

Would you believe I'm still not finished reading Michelle Obama's book, Becoming? I first mentioned it back in October. The thing is I have been really enjoying it and I am almost at the end of it by now, it's just been so hard to find time to sit down and read without interruptions. Anyway I need to finish it soon as my book club have already started reading The Testaments by Margaret Atwood.

There's a section in the book where Michelle talks about the now famous date with Obama where they flew to New York for dinner and a show which caused some controversy among their opponents. Anyway she writes about how much they enjoy each other's company and conversations and constantly erupt into laughter when together. The day I read that passage hubby and I had just been squabbling about some household thing as usual. I presume other couples also have countless silly arguments about things around the house - who hasn't put their laundry away? why haven't these dirty plates been put into the dishwasher? I could easily go on but you get the idea.

There are many times when hubby tells long stories about work while I'm barely paying attention. I know he often doesn't listen to me a lot of the time either since I end up having to repeat myself. This just felt like a stark comparison when I imagined the Obamas sitting there during their dinner dates finding each other totally fascinating! They seem to have a strong happy marriage which I admire.

Recently when hubby and I did finally get a moment to ourselves we ended up talking about how parenting a young child means our minds always seem to be distracted and elsewhere a lot of the time! It's rare to have opportunities to give something our sole focus (apart from when we are in work). So I think (and hope) that it's pretty normal that these days we don't have a perfect marriage like the Obamas but hopefully one day again in the future we will!

Life Lately

Reading
Michelle Obamas's Becoming. I started this months ago and haven't been able to finish it but that's not a criticism. Firstly it's really long but secondly I rarely have time to read it! It's a big book so not one that fits into my handbag to pull out when I have a few minutes on public transport. Whenever I have a free moment, I usually end up doing something else but when I do have a nice 10-20 minutes of undisturbed time ahead of me then I have been delving back into the book and really enjoying it!

Watching
We finally got around to watching two very different films, "The Greatest Showman" and "Avengers-Endgame". The former has been one I've been dying to watch for ages and the latter my husband was keen to see!  I think I can safely say we ended up loving both. 

The Greatest Showman is a story around Barnum who comes from poverty and has big dreams. I don't want to go into the story in more detail as I often find that even watching trailers these days can have loads of spoilers and it's nice to watch something without knowing too much in advance. The screenplay, music and dance numbers were amazing and it was just entertaining and good fun. The songs are catchy too and I find myself humming along to them weeks days later!

You've probably heard of Avengers: Endgame even if you aren't a fan because it was a massive hit this Summer.  I enjoy the Marvel stories and films though at times find the format somewhat predictable (time for another huge fight scene with lots of special effects anyone?). That said, this one was particularly entertaining and well done!

Eating/cooking
Well now it's autumn we've been making pumpkin soup and curries again - yum! My main favourite German treat are pretzels though! A lovely freshly baked pretzel with butter and cheese or avocado on top with a cup of tea is just perfect.

Traveling
In August we were in Ireland on holidays which was lovely. This month apart from our usual outings to all the local playgrounds, we went to the zoo for the day which was fun.

Life lately

I thought I'd share some updates on what I've been up to since March.

St. Patrick's day

I knew I had to celebrate in some way even if only for a few hours! Some friends and I decided to go to one of the Irish pubs in town. Even though a few of them were going to bring their kids along I decided to leave Mini at home as I knew the pub would be crowded and sometimes she just gets overwhelmed in loud and busy places. My husband was happy to stay with her and I enjoyed getting to catch up with the girls over a Guinness or two. I actually rarely drink Guinness! I tend to prefer sweeter drinks like wine spritzer but it was Paddy's day after all so I ordered a pint with some cheese and onion crisps.

It was a fun afternoon. Everyone was in really good spirits. There were a mixture of all nationalities in the pub and I enjoyed mingling. For some reason this only seems to happen at Irish pubs in Germany I find. At the German pubs people tend to stay with the groups of friends they arrived with. Of course I had Mini dressed in a cute green outfit for the day. Hopefully next year she'll be old enough to enjoy the celebrations a bit more.

Daycare adjustment

In March Mini started going to KITA (daycare /creche). In Germany they do a very gradual settling in process called "Eingewöhnung" which typically lasts 4 to 6 weeks. It started off well, the first week there we went for around an hour each day and I even left her a few times. She was happy to explore the new place new but soon it clicked that Mummy was leaving her there and then she started crying at drop off. The very worst day was when she was upset for almost half an hour after I left. It was very hard on both of us. I burst into tears myself and one of the minders gave me a really big hug!

I felt a lot of guilt around sending her there, wondering whether I was doing the right thing. I reminded myself that I knew she was in good hands. The childminders there are lovely and I knew they would be comforting her and distracting her. Thankfully that one day was the worst and it got better from then on. The following day she was upset for around ten minutes after I left and subsequent days only a few minutes max. On some days I handed her over to the minder and she got upset but then I would wait outside the door for a moment and I could hear she had already stopped crying. I was also able to peak into the window and see her playing which helped with the guilt. She is now settled and happy there which is a huge relief! I've been working more hours now and that's been going well too.

Time outdoors

The weather has finally started improving here and we've been able to spend more time outdoors lately. The German winter lasted a long time this past year but now all of a sudden we've started getting warm Summer like days. Hubby and I got a yearly pass to the zoo and have already been there a few times. There are lots of playgrounds and a nice park area so it's a lovely place to walk around even if you don't go to look at the animals.

As Mini gets older she is able to partake more at playgrounds. I can put her into the baby swing or let her play in the sand with a bucket and spade for instance. Of course she still tries to put things like sand and stones in her mouth so I have to keep a close eye on her! One of my friends and I also went to the park for a picnic recently and Mini was happy to sit on the blanket and snack. The weather lately has been a bit like an Irish Summer actually which is pleasant. Once it gets to August/September here then you get this extreme heat which makes being outside during peak times less tolerable.

Watching / reading

Like most people, we are following and enjoying the final season of Game of Thrones! It will be strange once it's all over. I'm currently reading "Big Little Lies" by Liane Moriarty and we've also been watching the TV series. I like the casting, the actors they've picked mainly match my idea of the characters. My book club met recently to discuss out last book which was "A Man Called Ove" by Fredrik Backman.

We've a few trips planned this Summer which I'm looking forward to. Anyway, enough about me. What's new with you?

The Handmaid's Tale #BookClub

Everyone seems to be talking about "The Handmaid's tale" recently. It was written in 1985 by Canadian author Margaret Atwood but has gained more fame recently after a tv series has come out based on the book. I was intrigued by the premise and happy when it was voted as our next novel in my book club.

I knew that there would be some infertility elements so I was prepared for that. The book is set in a dystopian society in the future. The majority of women are barren and infertile. It seems like a lot of the men are sterile but it is a male dominated sexist society so the male side isn't acknowledged openly. The women who ARE fertile are known as handmaidens and they are first trained and then sent to live with a couple in order to try to conceive a child with the husband which will then be raised by the man and wife. A few months after the birth, the handmaiden will be sent elsewhere and the cycle continues. It is a several tier society. Wives have more power than the handmaidens but not as much as the husbands. There are women called Marthas who are barren that work as housekeepers. There is a strong police presence and spies known as "Eyes". People who say or do the wrong thing get taken away and tortured or worse.

The book centers around the story of one handmaid, "Offred". That is the name that has been assigned to her. All part of losing individual identity. Initially she is a little like a zombie, just going along with the life she has now. Well, it's not like she has much choice in the matter! She often wonders about her ex boyfriend and child who were taken away from her. Without giving too much away, she gradually becomes aware of a secret resistance movement.The husband of the house she's living in also starts wanting to bend the rules with her. As does the wife. Both of which lead to her taking more and more risks.

In terms of the infertility element I found myself often feeling sorry for the wives who weren't able to have their desperately longed for child. It was awful how the handmaids were reduced to baby making machines, which just made me think of how ridiculous it is to base a woman's value on whether or not she can conceive. Women are so much more than that! The book was really good. Not like anything I'd read before. Once I got into it, I definitely wanted to find out what would happen next. I thought the ending a bit abrupt though, a lot is left open. The book has some disturbing scenes and the scary thing is that the world described doesn't seem all that far fetched at times. Let's hope it never becomes a reality!

Girl on the train #bookClub

The last novel we read for my book club was „Girl on the train“ by Paula Hawkins. I would describe it as a thriller. The story centres around Rachel who takes the train every day to work in London and while doing so looks at one suburban house in particular and imagines stories about the couple who live there and their “perfect lives”. She then witnesses something strange one day. Shortly after she finds out that the women, Meghan, has gone missing. She soon finds herself getting more and more involved in the case as she tries to help solve it.

The main character, Rachel, is an unreliable narrator. We find out she is an alcoholic and dealing with the breakdown of her marriage. She experiences blackouts caused by her drinking. The book also has sections written from Meghan’s point of view in the time leading up to when she goes missing. Another woman’s point of view in some chapters is that of Anna, the new partner of Rachel’s ex Tom. The book deals with some upsetting themes such as violence and abuse. It certainly doesn’t show alcoholism in a rose tinted light but rather the harsh reality. So I could well imagine that some people might find it difficult to read.

One of the criticisms in my book club was that none of the female characters were likable and that they were also very weak. Take Rachel for instance whose life revolved around her husband and falls apart after their marriage ends. She treats some people badly and generally her life is mess. Anna, her ex’s new wife, had no problem breaking up a marriage. Personally I still felt sympathetic towards Rachel and was rooting for her. The reason given for her turning to alcohol was that she and her ex husband had dealt with infertility issues and had an unsuccessful round of IVF which I know is very difficult for anyone to go through.

The book gets compared to “Gone girl” a fair bit and there are certainly many similarities. Both are action-thrillers, involve a mystery around a woman going missing and have twists and turns. So if you liked Gone Girl you probably would also enjoy the Girl on the Train, although overall I would say I didn't find it quite as good as the former. One of the things I enjoyed about the book was the fact that I suspected every single character at some point of being involved and there were also some clever twists. Once I got further into the story I found I was really eager to find out what going to happen next and I devoured it quickly.

Overall I liked the book, though as I mentioned it might not be to everyone’s taste. I’m looking forward to watching the film which stars Emily Blunt who I've always found to be a really good actress. The trailer is out already. I do think it’s a shame that the location has been moved to New York instead of London though.

Have you read Girl on the Train? Will you go to the film?

What's your word? #MicroblogMonday

There was a scene in the well known book and subsequent movie Eat Pray Love where the main character has to think of one word that defines, drives and inspires her. While chatting about it with some friends at the weekend we tried to come up with our own words for ourselves and each other.

One chose Beauty. Not in a superficial sense, but beauty that can come from within and as a creative person she finds it in lots of things. Another friend chose fun as to her that's what life is about, craving enjoyment. The other friend chose drive as she is very motivated and driven in each stage of her life.

Thinking about what my own word could be I initially came up connection or meaning as I tend to want to find deeper meaning in things and connect with people. Family also came to mind as very important. My friends however choose the word, loyalty for me. The reason being that I'm a very loyal friend and I value loyalty in others.

I asked the GerMann what his word might be. He didn't like limiting himself to one and mentioned wife, health and wealth. Talking some more about what he meant exactly I came up with well-being as his word to try to convey a sense of how he values having a good work/life balance, standard of living, being healthy, exercising and having a companion.

What about you? Is there a good word that describes you or your life motivation?