We're not joined at the hip, you know!

Arriving at my gym the other night, I was immediately asked "Wo ist Ihr Mann?" (where is your husband?). The question took me by surprise. I would have liked to have answered something along the lines of; "we're not joined at the hip, you know!" but I couldn't figure out how to say something like that in German quickly enough so I just mumbled something about him having to work.

It struck me as an odd question. I know that we often go to the gym together when it works out with our schedules but we're capable of going there without each other! When I mentioned it to the GerMann later he said he often gets asked at the gym where his wife is when I'm not there! We're not the kind of couple that feels like we have to do everything together. We both enjoy our independence and have our own friends and interests. I also think it's good for the relationship. That way you have more stuff to talk about when you do spend time together and a little absence now and then makes the heart grow fonder!

I couldn't help being reminded of a time in the late 90s when I ended up being on the same flight as Andrea Corr, from the well known Irish folk music group, The Corrs. We got talking on the shuttle bus from the plane to the airport and were having a lovely chat until I made the silly faux pax of inquiring where the rest of The Coors were. I'm pretty sure I didn't even mention them by name! The question naturally didn't go down well and she answered a little frostily, "we're not joined at the hip, you know." Whoops!

I totally get it though. if I were her and being constantly asked where the rest of the group are whenever I actually ventured out alone, it would bug the hell out of me too!

Anyone else have any awkward celebrity encounters? Do you spend lots of time with your significant other or also enjoy time doing your own thing?

On my first blog post

I'm doing a blog link up! The theme is firsts (#firstsTOTALSOCIAL) and I thought I would share my initial blog post from nearly 4 years ago. From when I'd decided to move to Germany for "die große Liebe" (the great love!). Yep, I'm one of those expats who moved countries for love. Career wise it also wasn't a bad move for me luckily considering I was unemployed after coming back from travelling (one year in Australia). In the post I talk a little about our background story, how we got back together again despite breaking up a few years earlier when the long distance got too much.

Initially I thought I would move to Germany for awhile and just see how it goes, I wasn't thinking totally long term. It was a difficult year with a lot of ups and downs. After the initial "honeymoon phase" with the country passed I struggled for several months (also known as culture shock). I had a long commute, working in a foreign language was exhausting and life as an expat took some getting used to! I also lost my "suppose base"- family and friends from home. I had the GerMann of course which was great but I've always been very independent and didn't want to rely on him completely so I knew I also had a make a life for myself so I set about going to meetups and trying to make friends anyway possible (even if it meant arranging to meet total strangers off the internet!). And gradually I built up my friend group, improved my German and created a life for myself here.

Four years later and I'm glad I decided to take the leap of faith and make the move to Germany. The GerMann and I are happy newlyweds, I have a great job, circle of friends and despite occasional homesickness, I feel settled and happy and don't regret leaving Ireland 4 years ago!

You can read my first blog post here: Deciding to make the move

The wedding

Over a month has passed now since our wedding. We both had an absolutely amazing day and loved every minute of it. In fact if I could re-live it over again I would. What they say is true, the day goes by an an unbelievable speed.

What did I love about it? It was just so nice to be surrounded by family and friends on such a special day. And also seeing all the hard work planning the wedding finally pay off! A lot of people travelled from all over to be there for the wedding which we also really appreciated. My brother and his girlfriend flew from Australia which was the furthest distance. But we also had a lot of friends there from Germany. And the great thing about the day was that everyone was mingling, I didn't even have to worry about making introductions. We had 80 guests which I felt was a perfect number for us.

In the morning I enjoyed getting ready with my bridesmaids. We all had a glass of wine at the hairdressers, and it felt strange to be drinking at 10am! Everyone looked gorgeous. It was my first time seeing the girls in the dresses I had picked for them. Then in the house the photographer took some photos and all too soon the car had arrived and it was time to go! Our wedding ceremony was at Trinity college Dublin and being August there were loads of people sightseeing there. When my Dad and I got out of the car outside the chapel there must have been about 50 tourists standing around taking my picture! I found that a bit overwhelming as I was already feeling nervous at that stage! But I turned around and gave them all a little wave before making my way into the church and they all clapped and cheered which was nice.

Walking up the aisle I burst into tears, and the GerMann was also teary eyed. The ceremony itself was beautiful. The sun came out and we got some fantastic pictures outside before it was time to go on to the hotel. The GerMann and I had a moment just the two of us travelling by car to the hotel which was lovely. Then in the hotel we were able to chat to people at the reception drinks a little before the meal. After the dinner there were three speeches, father of the bride, the best man and the groom and I thought everyone did a fantastic job.

After the dinner it was time for cake and dancing! We hadn't rehearsed the first dance at all but amazingly it went really well and people told me afterwards that it looked like we had taken lessons. And then the rest of the night was spent living it up on the dancefloor and chatting to people. It was all over too soon. The next day we had a lunch at my family home with the GerMann's family and we ate leftover wedding cake for dessert. The following day we flew off on our honeymoon.

There is lots to get used to now, having a husband, being a "Mrs", having a new surname! At the wedding dinner, after the meal, one of the waiters asked me if my husband takes milk in his coffee and it sounded really strange to me, "my husband!". It's sad in a way that the wedding is over now, but we have some beautiful photos, and a lovely video that my cousin made and lots of memories.

Once I got back to work everyone shook my hand congratulating me on being married. And I think I am expected to bring a cake in. Better get on that soon! Getting our marriage recognized here was interesting. We went to our local "Bürger büro", citizen's office and handed in our wedding certificate only to be told, it will have to be translated as they don't accept non German documents.

So then we email a translator for a quote and it's going to be 100€. Yikes. The GerMann phones the Standesamt and finds out there is another option where you don't need a translation but you need your birth certs but they cannot be more than 6 months old and it costs about 70€ and it takes 4 weeks. Okay..

Anyway, then we decided to try going to a different Bürger Büro as we heard that it can depend on the person you get, sometimes they are nice about it. So we go in to a different one and hand in our marriage cert and it was no problem at all, the lady there just accepted it as it was in English and had no issues with it and didn't charge us anything!

The next big project is to send out all the thank you cards and then to create a wedding album. And in the meantime we have also started house hunting. Buying a house actually feels like a bigger commitment and a more difficult decision than deciding whether to get married, funny that!

He liked it so he put a ring on it

It's about time I shared my good news on the blog. We are engaged! At the end of the summer, in early September we went on a last minute trip to Mallorca- also known as the 17th German state- based on the number of Germans who live and visit there. We stayed near Cala Millor on the north east of the island- not party central but lively enough, and we loved it. The beaches are stunning- albeit a little crowded at times. You can have a lovely holiday without breaking the bank. We also rented bikes one day and found a little cove with beautiful clear sparkling water and away from the other tourists.

On our last night we went out for a nice meal and after some Sangria the GerMann suggested a stroll on the beach. Halfway down the beach he proposed. I'll keep full details of the proposal private but it was perfect! Who says German men can't be romantic?! I burst into tears when I realized what was happening but managed to get out a "yes"! I was on a complete high after the engagement which lasted about a week until I started thinking about the enormous task ahead of me of organizing a wedding. We (though mainly I) have decided to have the wedding in Ireland. I figure I have moved to Germany and will be here long enough, I can at least have my wedding back in Ireland!

I have also been blown away from the response to our engagement. When I put the announcement up on facebook (easist way to share the news!) I got about 50 comments and "likes"! We have also received lots of engagement cards and even presents which we weren't expecting at all. And everyone is really excited for us.

So the last two months I have been really busy with all the wedding planning. I know everyone says this but I had no idea how much is involved in organizing a wedding! It is also harder when you don't live in the country. I've been back in Dublin twice already since getting engaged- checking out venues and bridal shops! Initially when we discussed our ideas for the wedding, we both agreed it should be small and intimate. Though our ideas of "small" are completely different. Mine- about 80 guests, him about 10! I negotiated up to about 50 guests but when I started working on the guest list I realized it would not be enough and people would end up feeling upset at not being invited. But also you only get married once and I would like the people in our lives to be there to share the moment with us. So now we are at 80 guests which we are both happy with.

I believe there are some women who have their whole wedding mapped out and when they get engaged they know exactly where to start. But I was never like that. I had vague visions of being in a lovely dress and walking down the aisle in a church, but in terms of what style dress or colour schemes or even what sort of venue I would like, I had never given these things much thought.

Looking at the wedding planning checklists online can be overwhelming!! But better to take each step at a time. My first point of call was to try to book the church. I was surprised how many dates were already booked up in the church for next year. The initial date we wanted had an 11am time slot which I feel would have been too early, or a Friday, which I also would prefer not to have as I know it is more awkward for guests. But we booked a time slot two weeks later, on a Saturday at 2pm in August. Perfect.

My next step was looking up venues. I began searching through all the possible venues within an 1hour or so drive from Dublin. Initially I was spending ages thinking about which place would be best, and the GerMann also looked up some info on the venues. But then just as I had picked the ideal venue and was day dreaming about it, I sent them a quick email to check availability, only to find them booked already! So then I tried another place nearby- also booked!

At this stage I started panicking that all the best places would be gone already. So then I emailed about 20 different places checking availability to get the list to work from. We ended up having to rule out loads of places due to them being booked, or having minimum numbers on a Saturday (like 150!). Then we were down to about 10. Of that list we further narrowed it down to 7 which I visited in Ireland all in one day with my Dad!! Yes, it was a tiring day!!

After that we narrowed it down to two and the venue is now booked. So I do feel like things are slowly but surely moving forward!!

The next thing is hopefully to settle on the dress. I have been bridal shopping in both Germany and Ireland. The advantage of getting the dress here is that it is easier to go to the dress fittings, but it would be a pain trying to get the dress and everything to Ireland. Here's a photo from a bridal fashion show I went to here.

I think that there is universal wedding dress fashion in that when I compare German magazines to Irish or American wedding magazines or websites I don't see a big difference in the styles. However, after going to a few German bridal shops here, I have noticed there tend to be a lot more of the traditional big puffy dress styles. With lots of ruffles or flowers. Like the dress on the far right in the picture. Not quite what I'm looking for! Hopefully I'll find the perfect dress soon.

Any wedding planning tips from anyone out there?

Fictional expat versus reality

I have recently been watching old episodes of Sex and the City. The final few episodes in particular struck a cord. In case you have not watched the show I will sum it up. The lead character, Carrie, is dating a Russian artist (in the final season) who asks her to move to Paris with him indefinitely. After he asks her she spends the rest of one episode thinking it over and she has a big fight with one of her best friends who does not approve of her new man or the idea of her moving. I thought I would compare my decision to move to Carrie's...

1) Carrie does not speak French, but she plans to learn.
I studied German in college. My level was rusty but I had a good basis on which to build on.

2) Not all of Carrie's friends like her boyfriend. They mainly find him arrogant and Miranda says she does not recognise who Carrie is with him. I also think they have only been together for less than half a year.
Luckily my friends and family all like my GerMann and think we are a good couple. We had also been together before so even though we were only just back together for a few months it was not as much of a gamble as for Carrie.

3) Carrie quits her job to move to Paris. She cannot write her column about dating in New York any more and has to give that up with no idea what she will do instead.
I was unemployed in Ireland and struggling to find work in the recession and my chances of finding something were probably slightly improved in Germany where the economy was stronger. So luckily my career has not been affected too much. Though for a lot of expats it can be, especially if they do not have the language. It is worth thinking about before moving over.

4) Carrie loved living in New York. All her friends were there and that was her life. That said, she was excited about the opportunity to move to Paris, and see more of the world.
Well I loved living in Dublin and all my friends and family were there so that was also a difficult decision for me!! At the same time, it can be exciting living somewhere else- visiting new places and meeting people from all sorts of walks of life. People are more likely to regret things they did not do than things they did. Even expats I have met that have made the move but it has failed for whatever reason- for instance they move over for a boyfriend but it does not work out- do not regret the experience and what they have learned from it.

5) Carrie does not have much in common with her Russian boyfriend. He is also a slightly temperamental artist and he leaves her on her own once she moves over and he is not very sympathetic or understanding when she has problems adjusting to her new life or when she is homesick. She is also expected to fit her life around his. He makes very little concessions for her to make the transition easier.
Having a supportive partner is very important for expat couples! My GerMann is very good at listening to me and being understanding when I am feeling homesick or lonely or just complaining about things! That said, we do sometimes bicker about the differences between our countries and which place is better! I think that's normal.

6) Ok one area where Carrie would win is money! When she moved to Paris she stayed in a gorgeous hotel studio room paid for by her wealthy Russian boyfriend. For me the move was without a doubt expensive especially during the first few months. Flights back and forth to Ireland bringing things over, having to sell my car back home as I won't need it any more, supporting myself while looking for work, paying my share of the deposit on our apartment, rent, new furniture etc etc

Overall I concluded that Carrie's trip was destined for disaster whereas my move to Germany is still going reasonably well thank God! I enjoyed the episodes "An American in Paris" which shows what happens when she moves over and the sparkle fades. At first Paris seems very glamours and exciting but soon she starts feeling very lonely as she has not got much of her own life going on there - no friends, no job. She becomes overly reliant on her partner. A lot of expats can relate to this!

There's the scene where she is sitting in the middle of a group of French people speaking French with her boyfriend and she just looks completely lost and left out. I have had similar moments at German parties where I find it difficult to follow the conversation but it normally gets a little better after the first drink! Then my accent improves and I have lots of interesting things to say! Or that's what it feels like anyway.

After living here over a year, I still have moments where I am with a group of Germans and they are chatting quickly and using slang and I can't quite keep up. Talking one-to-one is always much easier! That said, Germans are also normally very happy to speak English if they think you do not understand something. I get the impression that French people prefer to stick with French. They tend to be extremely proud of their language, whereas Germans think nothing is cooler than English!

What Carrie should have done was to try to find other expats to make friends with who would understand what she was going through. She could have searched online for meetups around the area. And attended some French classes- to improve her French and it can also be a good place to meet new people. Once you do get over the initial hurdles, life as an expat gets better I promise!

It's that time of year again

Every year Christmas always sneaks up on me too fast. You would think I would have had enough warning what with the Christmas decorations being up in town since November. Somehow I always end up wandering around the shops last minute stressing about what to buy everyone! I actually hate Christmas shopping! The crowds of people at the till, at the changing rooms, everywhere. Stressful shopping is not my thing! If I can buy something online, I will.

Well I didn't manage to find any suitable presents for anyone so I bought myself new shoes to cheer myself up. Very unsensible shoes but quite possibly perfect for my 30th birthday party.

This year we decided to get a Christmas tree for our apartment. We ordered an artificial one from Amazon which arrived a few days later. Not bad for 20 euro!

And here is how it looks after a few cheapy... I mean colourful, decorations from Aldi. Now all I need is some tinsel and an angel to go on top!

Recently the GerMann and I had an anniversary. Since we were together and then not together and then together again it was very tricky to work out when the anniversary should be. So I just choose a weekend in November when we had nothing planned. It is about two years since we got back together. About a year and a half since I moved over to Germany and we have been happily living together since. On the morning of our anniversary my GerMann surprised me with breakfast in bed and a present of flowers and chocolates. Who says German men can't be romantic?

Now if only I could figure out what to get him for his Christmas present!

Deciding to make the move

Since coming back from my year of travel, I got back to Ireland just right bang in the middle of the recession. So getting back on the career ladder has been proving extremly difficult. During my year away I had a lot of time to think and figure out what I want to do with my life (ok, I still don't really have a clue), but one of the things I realised was that I still think about my German ex boyfriend a lot. We'd broken up three years earlier after a three year relationship when the long distance got too much. At the time I had just started a new job in Ireland and was getting on brilliantly, and he was still in college, but had another three years to go- higher qualifications. Not to mention in Gemany, people stay in college much later than anyone else- you get people not graduating till they are in their 30s sometimes, it's crazy! But I digress. So I decided to go visit my German Ex for a few days.

During my visit we both realized that we still have feelings for each other. I visited a lot over the next few months- that's one advantage to being unemployed, you have time to go for long weekends, and we got back together. This time he was finally finishing his studies but since the job situation was so bad in ireland, and also because he wanted to have at least one year work experience on his CV, and since I was unemployed, he asked me to come to Germany and move in with him. The logical solution- this time we didn't want to let the long distance break us up and we wanted to give the relationship a proper shot. Even though it made sense, I still resisted the idea a bit- I'd only just come back from a year travelling and was enjoying being home, I'm quite a homebird at heart, and not to mention I hadn't spoken German in years!

So over the next few months, we continued our long distance relationship- visiting each other as often as we could, and I started revising my German and applying for jobs over in Baden Württemberg. The German was tough, but I gradually started getting it back. I borrowed some language learning tapes from the library and chatted to the GerMann in German over skype.

So finally I was called to an interview. This one was in a town that was quite far from the boyfriend, so we wouldn't be able to live together, but seeing eachother at weekends would be better than only every few weeks and it was a good company. However the place was really in the middle of no where and really hard to get to and going to the interview I has a feeling I'd be really lonely living there. Despite all our email correspondence being in German the interview was in English. It went quite well but I didn't end up getting the job. However, I wasn't too disappointed as I knew it wasn't for me!

Now I'm over in Germany again for two more interviews and if I get a job, I guess I'll just stay! And just go back some weekend to bring more of my stuff over. We've also been searching for apartments together, looking for one big enough for the two of us. I am finding this move quite scary to be honest- missing my friends and family and worried about how I'll get on working through German. I know the first few months settling in will probably be the difficult.