Things I learned from planning my wedding (in Dublin from Germany)

I've been meaning to write this post for awhile now to share some tips and advice I have from planning my wedding last year.

Firstly you should relax and enjoy the initial engagement phase for a few weeks, it's a fun time before you start thinking about the big task ahead of you and getting stressed!

1)Try to book the venue, band and photographer as soon as you can. These all get booked out the quickest! We were very disappointed that we didn't get our first choice of wedding band. I had emailed them to confirm they are free on our date but then we spent about a week thinking it over and when I wrote to them to actually book them, they had been booked by another couple in the meantime! So try to get these big things sorted first.

2) If people offer and are wiling to help, use their talents. When your friends offer to help then accept it, wedding planning is a big job so any help to share the work load is great! Think about what they are good at and ask them to help with a related task. For instance, I had a very creative friend who was great at graphic design who made wonderful table names for each table - each table I named after a place in Germany we had visited and she created table plans with photos of us visiting those places. Do as much as you can over email if you are living abroad and get your team of helpers on the ground to takeover some of the tasks for you since you can't possibly fly over for everything. I was very lucky that I had my family and bridesmaids helping out in Dublin, especially because I couldn't be there for everything. Pinterest is also a fun way to figure out your wedding vision and share photo and ideas with your bridesmaids.

3) Allow plenty of time for the invitations. Especially so people have a chance to book flights and plan ahead. We had a lot of guests flying over to the wedding from all over the world; Germany, the UK, Belgium, even Australia. I think we sent the invites out 6 weeks before the wedding but I should have sent them out ideally at least 8 weeks beforehand. And just start earlier than you might think. It easily takes several weeks between choosing your invite style, settling on the wording, proof reading, waiting for the invites to arrive, collecting everyone's address, and then writing and posting them.

4) Give your bridesmaids some guidelines on what sort of hen party you would like but otherwise leave it to them. The bride has so much to organize which means it's great when your bridesmaids or friends organize your hen party (or in my case parties) so that you have one less thing to worry about. Just give them an idea of what sort of party you'd like and what you'd hate! In my case I requested nothing too embarrassing! I also said that since I don't get to see my Irish friends very often I'd like to have a chance to chat and catch up with everyone- and being in a loud nightclub for instance wouldn't have worked.

5) Ask your married friends for advice - which suppliers did they use and who would they recommend, what tips can they share and so on? When you go to other people's weddings think about what works well, what you liked and what isn't your style. You loved the band? Then get their details from the couple. Close friends will also tell you about how much they paid for certain things which also helps give you an idea of what is good value.

6) Don't stress about all your guest having a good time. I was worried about the German guests mingling with the Irish and whether people would enjoy the wedding until several friends told me to just focus on enjoying the day myself and everyone can look after themselves. And they were right, in the end all the guests mixed without needing any introductions from me an it was a brilliant day.

7) Plan which photos you would like in advance and tell photographer. It's a good idea to give your photographer a list of your must have pictures. For instance if you would like a photo of different relations or one of just you and your bridesmaids. If you can get photos of yourself at the reception with some of the wedding guests it is lovely and a nice keepsake to send the guests a print later with the thank you notes. I didn't make it around to everyone unfortunately, and wish I had! I only managed to get photos with a few people.

8) Negotiate where possible and have a budget. Have an overall budget to keep track of the costs. We used an excel sheet and also had a column for who had been paid in advance and who needed to be paid on the day. Of course weddings are expensive and you won't be able to have everything you want so work out what's important to you. For instance we didn't hire a videographer so we had more money to spend on drinks for the guests. And in the end my cousin did a lovely video for us! There are some things you can negotiate somewhat such as the venue so it's definitely worth doing, or trying at least! Or if you use someone you know sometimes you can get a "friend discount". Every little helps!

9) Don't forget the groom. Haha! Get him involved and helping out with the areas important to him. I asked the GerMann early on which things in the wedding mattered to him the most. For him it was the food and music. So he researched possible bands, planned the playlist and had a lot of say in the menu. He was also in charge of the groomsmen, what they wore etc. I was able to choose other things that mattered more to me without interference, such as the bridesmaids dresses, what the wedding cake should look like and the flowers.

10) Importance of hair and make up trial. It's worth having an idea of what sort of hairstyle and make up look you would like and then bringing pictures with you to the trial. Sometimes something you think would suit you might actually not suit you at all which is also why it's great to have the trial! I tried out a hairstyle like the one on the left but I realised that it didn't really suit my face shape and looked too harsh. So in the end I went for a softer style with a side parting more like the picture on the right which suited my face shape more. If I hadn't have tried out various styles beforehand than I wouldn't have known what was right for me.

I also started getting facials regularly about 6 months before the wedding, increasing my water intake and making sure to always remove my makeup at night and these little things made a difference. You want to be looking and feeling your best on your wedding day- there will be a lot of photos!

11) Have the wedding you want. It's important to have the wedding that is right for you both as a couple and not to feel pressurised into having a wedding that you aren't comfortable with. This is important to bear in mind when choosing venue and guest number. For us we wanted to have a relatively small and intimate wedding so we only had 80 guests which was perfect as we got to speak to everyone at least once!

12) Start getting ready really early on the day. When your makeup artist and hair stylist tell you what time you should start getting ready at, it will probably seem very early but they know best! In my case I wish we had even had our appointment 15 minutes earlier as it ended up going over time which threw everything else off! I had imagined that in the house I would have had plenty of time to eat something, take photos and have chats with my bridesmaids but in the end it felt very rushed!

And finally have fun on the day!

Everyone says that the day itself flies by and to try to take it all in and enjoy it and they are right- it's a wonderful day, so take a second to enjoy it! Try to find some time where it's just you too. One of my favourite moments from the day was in the car after the church ceremony drinking champagne and having a chat with my new husband before we arrived at the wedding venue.

There are also some more tips here: planning a wedding in Ireland from abroad

Did I forget anything?

On changing my name after marriage

Well I've finally done it. It's official. I'm now Frau GerMann. As far as Germany is concerned the old me doesn't exist anymore. It took me ages to get around to it but it actually wasn't that difficult. It involved a trip to the local Bürgerbüro with the GerMann in tow and our paperwork- passport for both of us and marriage certificate. I also brought my birth cert but it wasn't needed in the end.

I've had awhile to get used to the name change as I changed it on facebook once we got back from the honeymoon and also at work so I didn't feel anxious about it until a brief second of panic when the lady told me I can never ever revert to my old name again unless through death or divorce. The two scary "D"s! However if I wish to change my name to a double barrel name at a later stage I can still do that. She also told me to sign the form using my maiden name for the very last time! The GerMann also had to sign, that he agreed to me taking his name. Or something like that. So then we walked out, me a new person! Now I just have to get used to saying the new name and signing it.

I should mention I thought long and hard about whether to take on my husband's name. To me my name is part of my identity and it's a little scary and strange to lose that. My whole life I've been known a certain way and belonged clearly to my family and taking on your husband's name also seems a little old fashioned. While I was thinking over the decision I even googled pros and cons! It didn't help that the GerMann said he didn't mind whether I took his name or not.

In the end though I decided to change my name for several reasons. The majority of my recently married friends changed their names, it's still the done thing these days. For our future kids I would like us all to have the same name, it's nice and shows unity. Also it's a German sounding name and I live in Germany- maybe it will also help me feel like I belong here more. And basically I couldn't think of any really good reason not to change!

How about you, would you change your name after marriage or have you already done so?

The wedding

Over a month has passed now since our wedding. We both had an absolutely amazing day and loved every minute of it. In fact if I could re-live it over again I would. What they say is true, the day goes by an an unbelievable speed.

What did I love about it? It was just so nice to be surrounded by family and friends on such a special day. And also seeing all the hard work planning the wedding finally pay off! A lot of people travelled from all over to be there for the wedding which we also really appreciated. My brother and his girlfriend flew from Australia which was the furthest distance. But we also had a lot of friends there from Germany. And the great thing about the day was that everyone was mingling, I didn't even have to worry about making introductions. We had 80 guests which I felt was a perfect number for us.

In the morning I enjoyed getting ready with my bridesmaids. We all had a glass of wine at the hairdressers, and it felt strange to be drinking at 10am! Everyone looked gorgeous. It was my first time seeing the girls in the dresses I had picked for them. Then in the house the photographer took some photos and all too soon the car had arrived and it was time to go! Our wedding ceremony was at Trinity college Dublin and being August there were loads of people sightseeing there. When my Dad and I got out of the car outside the chapel there must have been about 50 tourists standing around taking my picture! I found that a bit overwhelming as I was already feeling nervous at that stage! But I turned around and gave them all a little wave before making my way into the church and they all clapped and cheered which was nice.

Walking up the aisle I burst into tears, and the GerMann was also teary eyed. The ceremony itself was beautiful. The sun came out and we got some fantastic pictures outside before it was time to go on to the hotel. The GerMann and I had a moment just the two of us travelling by car to the hotel which was lovely. Then in the hotel we were able to chat to people at the reception drinks a little before the meal. After the dinner there were three speeches, father of the bride, the best man and the groom and I thought everyone did a fantastic job.

After the dinner it was time for cake and dancing! We hadn't rehearsed the first dance at all but amazingly it went really well and people told me afterwards that it looked like we had taken lessons. And then the rest of the night was spent living it up on the dancefloor and chatting to people. It was all over too soon. The next day we had a lunch at my family home with the GerMann's family and we ate leftover wedding cake for dessert. The following day we flew off on our honeymoon.

There is lots to get used to now, having a husband, being a "Mrs", having a new surname! At the wedding dinner, after the meal, one of the waiters asked me if my husband takes milk in his coffee and it sounded really strange to me, "my husband!". It's sad in a way that the wedding is over now, but we have some beautiful photos, and a lovely video that my cousin made and lots of memories.

Once I got back to work everyone shook my hand congratulating me on being married. And I think I am expected to bring a cake in. Better get on that soon! Getting our marriage recognized here was interesting. We went to our local "Bürger büro", citizen's office and handed in our wedding certificate only to be told, it will have to be translated as they don't accept non German documents.

So then we email a translator for a quote and it's going to be 100€. Yikes. The GerMann phones the Standesamt and finds out there is another option where you don't need a translation but you need your birth certs but they cannot be more than 6 months old and it costs about 70€ and it takes 4 weeks. Okay..

Anyway, then we decided to try going to a different Bürger Büro as we heard that it can depend on the person you get, sometimes they are nice about it. So we go in to a different one and hand in our marriage cert and it was no problem at all, the lady there just accepted it as it was in English and had no issues with it and didn't charge us anything!

The next big project is to send out all the thank you cards and then to create a wedding album. And in the meantime we have also started house hunting. Buying a house actually feels like a bigger commitment and a more difficult decision than deciding whether to get married, funny that!

Two hens are better than one

Summer has finally arrived to Germany after what seemed like a never ending Winter! The GerMann and I actually did manage to escape the cold though for a one week Easter trip to Gran Canaria.

Gran Canaria, or any of the Canary islands are great spots to visit when the weather is bad elsewhere as you can normally expect temperatures of around 23 degrees. There are also long sandy beaches though the water is a bit on the cold side! I'm sure we'll go back again sometime as we had a great trip.

Back in Germany April and May were pretty miserable months, cold with lots of rain. My hay fever which I only developed since moving here (a little "welcome to Germany present") was also really bad for a few weeks. It's worst in April and May when the trees are blooming.

In Germany there are a lot of public holidays which is fantastic but for some reason most of them seem to fall in May! It was brilliant to get four extra days off in May, but I would much prefer if the public holidays were more spread out- like over June, July and August. As it stands, the next bank holiday here isn't until October. Since June the weather has changed quite dramatically for the better. And it was a great month since I got to have not one, but two hen parties!

Since the wedding is in Ireland, I knew I wanted to also have my hen party there with my good friends. This was the "official" hen party, planned by my bridesmaids- mainly my maid of honour, my sis. But my circle of friends here also said they would like to celebrate with me and they decided to plan a party for me. Both events were kept secret- I knew the time and day but not what was going to happen, and both were in June, only two weekends apart. I had given a few guidelines beforehand on what sort of things I wouldn't like- nothing too tacky or embarrassing! The two parties were perfect in their own way.

The Irish one was more "girl's night in" style. We stayed in a lovely spa hotel in Westmeath and got beauty treatments and had a pyjama party. I also got lots of time to catch up with everyone, and it was so lovely meeting my friends again, especially the childhood friends who I have known a very long time! That's a lot of shared history there! It was such a lovely weekend. It felt so strange at the end saying my goodbyes knowing the next time I see everyone will be when I'm back in Ireland again for my wedding!! I'll see the bridesmaids on the wedding morning but everyone else not till I'm at the church in my wedding dress!!

One of my friends from here also travelled with me to Ireland for my Irish hen. It was really nice to mix both my worlds- for my Irish friends to meet one of my best friends in Germany and for her to meet my friends from home. When I was back for the weekend it was also fun to see Ireland from a tourist point of view, the weather was phenomenal- it didn't rain once and we had deep blue sunny skies. So now she thinks that we Irish just tell people it rains a lot in Ireland in order to not have to share our wonderful country! The whole weekend reminded me how much I love Ireland, my family and my friends from home, and made me really want to visit more often. I was also very homesick for the few days after I got back to Germany- until I settled back into my German life again.

It was nice having my German hen to look forward to though. I should mention that it was not typical German style hen, or "junggesellenabschiedsfeier" as they call it auf Deutsch. A typical German hen involves the girls going around with baskets and selling little trinkets such as little bottles of liqueur to people to fund their drinking for the night!

For my German hen we had a brunch followed by a treasure hunt then afternoon tea (with champagne of course) and then dinner and dancing in a club. Feel so lucky to have made such a nice group of friends here. The majority of whom are also ex-pats like me. Our group is a mixture of Americans, Canadian and Irish. A good mix.

When I went back to Ireland for my hen party I also brought my wedding dress on the plane. It was less trouble than I was expecting. The bridal shop folded it into a box for me which I just put into the overhead compartment and once I was back at my family home, we hung it up in one of the wardrobes.

Now that the hen parties are over and the dress is in Dublin, the wedding feels that bit closer. The GerMann was saying to me recently, that in less than 6 weeks time we will be married! The time has seriously flown. And now I can even say- next month I'm getting married which just sounds so close!

Up to now I've been counting down in weeks till the wedding but soon I'll need to switch to days..Yikes!

He liked it so he put a ring on it

It's about time I shared my good news on the blog. We are engaged! At the end of the summer, in early September we went on a last minute trip to Mallorca- also known as the 17th German state- based on the number of Germans who live and visit there. We stayed near Cala Millor on the north east of the island- not party central but lively enough, and we loved it. The beaches are stunning- albeit a little crowded at times. You can have a lovely holiday without breaking the bank. We also rented bikes one day and found a little cove with beautiful clear sparkling water and away from the other tourists.

On our last night we went out for a nice meal and after some Sangria the GerMann suggested a stroll on the beach. Halfway down the beach he proposed. I'll keep full details of the proposal private but it was perfect! Who says German men can't be romantic?! I burst into tears when I realized what was happening but managed to get out a "yes"! I was on a complete high after the engagement which lasted about a week until I started thinking about the enormous task ahead of me of organizing a wedding. We (though mainly I) have decided to have the wedding in Ireland. I figure I have moved to Germany and will be here long enough, I can at least have my wedding back in Ireland!

I have also been blown away from the response to our engagement. When I put the announcement up on facebook (easist way to share the news!) I got about 50 comments and "likes"! We have also received lots of engagement cards and even presents which we weren't expecting at all. And everyone is really excited for us.

So the last two months I have been really busy with all the wedding planning. I know everyone says this but I had no idea how much is involved in organizing a wedding! It is also harder when you don't live in the country. I've been back in Dublin twice already since getting engaged- checking out venues and bridal shops! Initially when we discussed our ideas for the wedding, we both agreed it should be small and intimate. Though our ideas of "small" are completely different. Mine- about 80 guests, him about 10! I negotiated up to about 50 guests but when I started working on the guest list I realized it would not be enough and people would end up feeling upset at not being invited. But also you only get married once and I would like the people in our lives to be there to share the moment with us. So now we are at 80 guests which we are both happy with.

I believe there are some women who have their whole wedding mapped out and when they get engaged they know exactly where to start. But I was never like that. I had vague visions of being in a lovely dress and walking down the aisle in a church, but in terms of what style dress or colour schemes or even what sort of venue I would like, I had never given these things much thought.

Looking at the wedding planning checklists online can be overwhelming!! But better to take each step at a time. My first point of call was to try to book the church. I was surprised how many dates were already booked up in the church for next year. The initial date we wanted had an 11am time slot which I feel would have been too early, or a Friday, which I also would prefer not to have as I know it is more awkward for guests. But we booked a time slot two weeks later, on a Saturday at 2pm in August. Perfect.

My next step was looking up venues. I began searching through all the possible venues within an 1hour or so drive from Dublin. Initially I was spending ages thinking about which place would be best, and the GerMann also looked up some info on the venues. But then just as I had picked the ideal venue and was day dreaming about it, I sent them a quick email to check availability, only to find them booked already! So then I tried another place nearby- also booked!

At this stage I started panicking that all the best places would be gone already. So then I emailed about 20 different places checking availability to get the list to work from. We ended up having to rule out loads of places due to them being booked, or having minimum numbers on a Saturday (like 150!). Then we were down to about 10. Of that list we further narrowed it down to 7 which I visited in Ireland all in one day with my Dad!! Yes, it was a tiring day!!

After that we narrowed it down to two and the venue is now booked. So I do feel like things are slowly but surely moving forward!!

The next thing is hopefully to settle on the dress. I have been bridal shopping in both Germany and Ireland. The advantage of getting the dress here is that it is easier to go to the dress fittings, but it would be a pain trying to get the dress and everything to Ireland. Here's a photo from a bridal fashion show I went to here.

I think that there is universal wedding dress fashion in that when I compare German magazines to Irish or American wedding magazines or websites I don't see a big difference in the styles. However, after going to a few German bridal shops here, I have noticed there tend to be a lot more of the traditional big puffy dress styles. With lots of ruffles or flowers. Like the dress on the far right in the picture. Not quite what I'm looking for! Hopefully I'll find the perfect dress soon.

Any wedding planning tips from anyone out there?