After we got the all clear from the harmony blood test last week both hubby and I decided it felt like the right time to share the news more freely at work. He spoke to his boss and told him that he plans to take some of the parental leave. His boss knew about our struggles to have children and was happy for us which was sweet. I had a chat with my manager and that went well too. Once that was done I gradually started telling a few more colleagues who I would interact with quite frequently. I figure the news will probably spread. Everyone was nice about it and congratulated me. There was one comment that bugged me though! This one colleague acted surprised and said he thought I didn't want kids. He reminded me about that (very awkward) time last year when he had asked me about children and according to him, I hadn't seemed keen.
Basically he asked me in front of several other colleagues what my family plans were. So rude and inappropriate! I think I was in shock at the bluntness of such a question and I basically answered vaguely, something like "not yet" and changed the subject to talk about my upcoming Australia trip. That guy is just totally clueless. Of course he assumes that a couple who don't have kids must not want them because if they did, they would just have them, right? Easy peasy. I'm very tempted to say something to him about it if the right opportunity arises. He also made the comment about thinking I didn't want kids in front of several other colleagues. He then told us that he's just persuaded his wife to try for a second baby. I know for a fact that the other colleague he mentioned it to has been trying with his wife to have a second child and she's had a miscarriage. So I can imagine the comments could have bothered him too. Anyway if I have a chance just the two of us I will tell him that actually it was very difficult for us to get this far, without going into all the details, and mention that asking someone about their family planning isn't appropriate as you have no idea what might be happening behind the scenes! I'll just have to figure out how to say it tactfully in German.
People have generally been surprised to hear about the pregnancy so I guess it's not as obvious as I thought! I've barely put on any weight so far probably due to the fact that in the first trimester I didn't have much of an appetite with the nausea. I think I'm eating better now though so I'll probably start getting bigger soon. According to a pregnancy weight calculator I found online, I'm slightly under the amount I should have gained by this stage. I'm sure I'll catch up though! Generally I've been eating reasonably healthy but if I'm craving a treat such as chocolate or crisps, I go ahead.
I've read around week 18-20 first time Mums should be able to start feeling kicks! I've felt nothing yet. Unless I've mistaken it for indigestion! My next scan is going to be at 21 weeks not 20 as my gyno is on holidays again. I'm disappointed as hubby won't be able to make it this time especially as the anatomy scan is a big one. I tried to get a different appointment time that week but they are all booked up. However I then had the idea that I could see if my mother in law would like to come. She was delighted to be asked! I think it will be nice for her to be involved. This is her first grandchild and she's really excited. The only weird thing is that she'll probably find out the baby's gender before hubby! She's promised she'll keep it a secret though. I was thinking after the scan maybe I would go and buy little pink or blue socks and surprise him with them later after work!
Sunday I met up with a good friend here. She also went through years of infertility - five in this case before finally having a daughter. Her little one is at a fun age now, 10 months. We took her to the playground and she really enjoyed herself. She's also very friendly and good with people. There was a stage when she was only a few months old where she was very attached to her mum and would cry when I tried to hold her. Luckily that's changed. Next year our baby would be around ten months old at Christmas time. The thought of bringing my baby home for an Irish Christmas with my family warms my heart!
The round ligament pain is back now. It feels like general dull aches and pains during the day but gets worse if I sneeze or cough. Then at night when I change positions while sleeping I'll often get woken up with the pain and it takes awhile to get comfortable again. I've also started waking up an hour or two early each morning needing to pee. So it hasn't been a totally restful sleep. I've noticed an occasional heavy feeling around my pelvis. Apparently perfectly normal as the uterus is now the size of a honey melon! However overall I'm feeling good. My "bump" has popped out more and I love it. I enjoy singing to the baby while I'm getting dressed in the mornings. "My bump, my lovely baby bump" (sung to Black eyed peas "my lovely lady lumps" tune). When I'm out and about and I see something nice, such a pretty autumn leaves or a sunset I think how I can't wait to show our child all the great things this world has to offer one day.
Wow 18 weeks already...it seems like it went by fast! :) I don't recall feeling movement til maybe 22 weeks I think, then after that it was pretty constant and it feels wonderful! It will just happen over night.
ReplyDeleteYeah the last few weeks do feel like they've gone quickly alright! That's interesting that you were closer to 22 weeks when you felt movement. Can't wait :)
DeleteAnnie didn't feel any kicks from the twins until after 21 weeks. So I think it's totally normal.
ReplyDeleteThat's good, I was starting to wonder if something might be wrong as it seems like most of the other women on my fb group already feel something by now! It seems to vary from person to person so much. Hope you are enjoying life with the twins :)
DeleteAw, so sweet! I'm 15 and a half weeks, and I haven't gained any weight and don't have a bump at all (except the one I can feel just behind the scenes -- I can feel my growing uterus if I push in a little; it seems to be growing more up than out). We'll find out the sex in 3.5 weeks, if the babe cooperates. Such an exciting time! I just so much can't wait to meet this little one, who'll be that much more of a surprise since s/he grew from a donor embryo. I couldn't care less about genetics -- I just want to meet our baby! Every week that passes without incident feels like such a victory.
ReplyDeleteAfter a while I'll start singing "In My Life" by the Beatles as my kid's birth song. I hear that if you sing it every day while they're in utero, then you can use it to calm them down once they're out :) I'll probably start around 25 weeks.
I bet your bump will pop out around week 17! Yeah we are hoping to find out the sex at my next scan too. I think it will help us bond even more once we know! Yeah it's a really exciting time, I think about it all non stop!
DeleteI heard that too about babies recognizing songs or stories sung/told to them while in the womb! That's so incredible. I've mainly been singing Disney songs I know the words too. And the babies will recognize our voices :)
Do not worry too much about the comment of your colleague. It does not accur to a lot of people that a question that is very simple to answer for a lot of people can be very difficult for others. I am gay and between 15 and 25 pretty much avoided meeting relatives and neighbours in my village because the simple question "Do you have a girlfriend yet" put me in a difficult and embarrassing situation. Also, I tended to over-interpretate the question that they might suspect something which left me in fear. I guess it is very difficult to always think about potential problems a private question could arouse for some people. Today I try to be relaxed about such interrogations and if I do not want to answer openly to a private question (it still happens, mostly in professional situations)I try to answer something humorous that gives a little room for interpretation. I am not mad about it anymore, most people just want to make harmless conversation, they are not aware of committing a blunder.
ReplyDeleteYes that's true. So many people just make assumptions about someone and they ask questions or say things not realizing how hurtful or awkward it could be for the other person! I too try to remind myself that people are generally well meaning and not to let myself get offended. I'm glad to hear you have found a good way to deal with personal questions now!
DeleteI hate how people just assume anyone who doesn't have kids doesn't want them. A friend messaged me on Facebook about Brexit and I replied with something like "thank goodness our kids will have German passports. His response was "KIDS?! What?". Apparently he assumed we didn't want any because "we've never mentioned it". He's now one of the few people who knows we are actually trying, but who knows how many other people are thinking I obviously don't want children. I feel like I come across as totally unmotherly or something.
ReplyDeleteWow, Look Who's Talking! It's been about 20 years since I last saw that film.
Exactly, I found it a little offensive too, like I come across as a child hater or something! These days something like 1 in 8 (or more) couples are dealing with infertility and it's really so common that I find it hard to understand how some people are still so ignorant about it and it just never occurs to them!
DeleteYeah, I think I remember watching Look who's talking with my parents as a teenager! It can be fun to re-watch old movies as an adult.
ugh, sorry about your colleague. i have people at my work like that, ask questions they shouldn't be asking at really inappropriate times (not that there is an appropriate time) and assume because i don't want to talk about it with them that i don't want kids or whatever. rude.
ReplyDeletethat's so nice of you to ask your mother in law, i don't know if i'd be that gracious haha. the little socks idea is super cute! maybe you could get the ultrasound person to write it down so you can find out together and your MIL doesn't find out before your hubby.
Oh Look who's talking! Loved those movies, even if they were slightly cheesy lol
i know what you mean about bringing your baby home for christmas. that would be so awesome! we are hoping to go home for christmas after we have a kid, but we shall see. depends how long it takes i guess.
I was dumbfounded that a work colleague would think to ask such a personal question in front of other people! But it seems like some people just lack general tact.
DeleteWell, if I'd had my family here I would have invited my Dad or sister but I thought my MIL would like it! She'll also help out hopefully once the baby is here :) We get on really well though I have heard that the relationship can change a lot once grandkids are on the scene and the MILs can become very opinionated then about how things should be!
Best of luck for when you do start trying! Hope you also get to bring your baby home for Christmas too then :)
I absolutely think you should say something. You don't even have to refer to the fact you had difficulties. If you dont want to. Just say to him that when he asked, you were surprised that he asked such a personal question, especially in front of others, as after all, it's not a subject everyone feels comfortable talking about. Maybe that'll make him think twice in the future!
ReplyDeleteGlad you're now able to tell everyone. How exciting!
Yeah you're right. I've been thinking that if I don't say something then he'll probably keep asking other people about their "family planning" and potentially upsetting them.
DeleteThanks for the support! :)
That's wonderful! You will feel the kicks soon, they are nothing much at first. It's more like a fluttering feeling like butterfly in your abdomen or a fish swimming in a bowl.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry about your college. He might be suffering a bit. I sometimes say inappropriate things to people because I have less of a filter now. I have also been asked by people at work why I only have one child. If they get too intrusive I just tell them the truth and then they get embarrassed and leave me alone. Lol, I think people shouldn't ask personal questions unless they are prepared for the answer.
I might have felt something like that a few times, just so faint it's hard to be sure!
DeleteYeah that's true, people who ask personal questions should be prepared for the answer! It might make them think twice about being so nosy and maybe help them become more aware too.
Been a while since I've checked here and I'm so thrilled it's going well with you. What a lovely thought of a baby going home with you at Christmas time <3
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your support! :)
DeleteCongratulations. You've made it so far. I'm jealous. I never made it far enough to feel the kicks.
ReplyDeleteI love the movie "Look Who's Talking". So much fun. Next time you'll find out the gender right? Are you going to ask to know or keep it secret?
Yeah we'll find out the gender. I was considering keeping it a secret but I don't think we'd be able to keep it to ourselves, so we'll probably share the news!
DeleteAww lovely update! So pleased to hear all is well. I talk to my bump all the time, even when I'm out and about. I think people think I am bonkers but I don't really care! The funny pregnant English woman. Haha!
ReplyDeleteHaha, that's funny! I wonder what they think. Yeah, it's really nice having little conversations with the baby :)
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