Health update

There's been a reason for my radio silence lately. It has been an eventual few weeks. I had to get surgery and I was in hospital for over a week!

Back during my pregnancy you might remember I wrote about a health scare when I was having strong cramps on my right hand side and my gyno, worried it could be my appendix, refered me to a specialist. The pain ended up going away by itself though it happened a second time during the pregnancy and afterwards so I ended up going back and forth to the doctor several times.

Two weeks ago the cramps returned again even worse and the doctor sent me directly to the hospital. I'm not going to share all the medical details right now on the blog but I ended up needing major abdominal surgery due to a suspected abscess from an inflamed appendix. Afterwards they kept me several days in intensive care for monitoring. Thankfully my recovery went well and I was able to leave the hospital after I had been there over a week and continue my recovery at home.

As you can imagine it was a scary time! My mother and brother in law came over to look after Mini when my husband and I went to the hospital. I couldn't help feeling a little sad for a moment that our first "date" since she was born was to the emergency ward! I was seen by several doctors and given ultrasounds and even a CAT scan. The whole thing took ages. We ended up being apart from Mini for over six hours which I found really hard.

After all the tests I thought I would be allowed to finally go home and return the next day but I was advised to stay since there was the risk my condition might worsen overnight. At that stage I didn't know what to do! I explained that my baby is only 7 months and exclusively breastfed. We had never slept apart. One of the doctors very kindly was able to organize a private room for me to stay in and said I could get cot so my daughter could stay with me which was a big relief!

Mini ended up staying with me at the hospital for two nights which was lovely. Part of the night she slept in the cot which I had put beside my bed and the early morning hours when I was too anxious to sleep anyway she lay cuddled beside me. However before the surgery and the subsequent nights she stayed at home with my husband. My mother in law was with with them to help out. I remember being really worried about how Mini would get on without me but she managed well. My husband was able to rock her back to sleep whenever she woke up. In the hospital I was given access to a breast pump and I made sure I was only given medications that would be ok for the milk. My husband visited me each day with Mini and I would feed and cuddle her and give him some expressed milk to bring home. Seeing them was the highlight of my day!

Emotionally and physically it was a hard time, I'm not going to lie. When I found out I would need the surgery (this is the third I've had in my life), I was strong at first but after the doctor left and a nurse brought me the surgical gown, I just lost it and burst into tears... I didn't feel brave at all in that moment. The thing was though, I knew that I had no choice and I would just have to face it. Later that evening I felt like I had reached a phase of acceptance. I was still really anxious beforehand but I got through it and the surgery was deemed a success thankfully!

Having to deal with everything in my non native language also made things more difficult. My German is very good but not my medical German and there were times when I just couldn't follow everything the doctors were saying! I also felt homesick for my family in Ireland. The first few days of the recovery in the ICU were hard going but I tried to focus on my progress. By the fourth day I was able to shower and wash my hair which felt so great and I celebrated the little victories! Initially I had zero appetite and I had also lost loads of weight. Luckily over time my appetite came back and I was able to start eating and getting stronger. My family and friends were sending me messages on whatsapp and it also really helped getting their support. Each day I focussed on getting better and I particularly wanted to get well as quickly as possible so I could get home to Mini again.

This whole incident has reminded my husband and I what a little miracle she is. I'm so grateful I didn't need to have the surgery while I was pregnant with her as that would have been even scarier and would have put her at risk! I am making a good recovery now, feeling stronger each day and these are all things to be grateful for.

weeks 36 - 37 baby shower & family visit #pregnancyDiary

Week 36

This week we had an appointment at the hospital where I'd like to give birth. You don't have to register, they would accept you if you were to just show up but it's nice if you can go there beforehand. We met one of the midwives who filled out a form with medical history, information about the pregnancy and my birth plan wishes. I said I'd like low intervention, hopefully even a water birth, delayed cord clamping and skin to skin bonding. They seemed really open to my ideas. Whether I'll be able to have a water birth will depend on if the room with the birthing pool is available at the time. We also requested a family room to stay in after (it costs 75€ extra per night) and that would also depend on availability.

The midwife answered my questions, was really friendly and left us both with a good impression of the place. Afterwards we were able to get a tour of the birthing suites, apart from one room which was in use. We could hear a newborn baby crying as we went past and it made me feel quite emotional! And a little overwhelmed, like oh my gosh, do we know what we are in for?! I hope we can handle everything. Seeing the birthing rooms also made it all feel very real and I did feel a bit nervous to be honest!

This week I met up with the girls from my birth preparation course for lunch and there were six of this there this time. It was really nice. I felt a little shy at times about speaking German, I still get that way with new people sometimes even though I've lived here over seven years now however at one stage they commented that my German is really good and they love my accent which made me feel more confident.

It's been a busy week between one thing and another! I met up with several friends, organized the things in the baby room, did some housework and relaxed when I had time. Next week my Dad is visiting which is great. Once I get to 38 weeks I intend to not plan as many social things as pretty much anytime between week 38 and week 42 I could go into labour and I'd like to start winding down a little and resting before the baby comes!

I also had my baby shower this week. It was great! I definitely felt loved and spoilt. Two american friends of mine here threw it for me and did a lovely job. There were about ten of us there altogether and everyone got on really well. There were some onesies, bibs and nappies that people could decorate and write messages on. It was such a lovely afternoon. I was also overwhelmed by all the lovely presents we got and so many people wrote us lovely messages in their cards about how happy they are for us and how they can't wait to meet our little one.

Week 37

Early this week I went to Schwangerschaftsgymnastik "pregnancy gymnastics". That was run by the centre where my "Hebamme" (midwife/doula) works. I would probably describe it as a mixture between gentle aerobics and yoga. At the beginning we had to introduce ourselves and say where we lived and which month our babies are due. It still feels a little strange for me at times to be part of the mum "club" now after it always seemed so elusive for years. Everyone was friendly. We practiced some breathing exercises in the class to help for birth.

They also offer a meditation class at the centre which I might try out next week. They have acupuncture too but don't think I'll do that as I didn't like it in the past! Once the babies are born they also offer various classes. There's a thing called Rückbildung which is an exercise class to help your body recover. You are meant to start it around 6-8 weeks after birth and the German health insurance covers it. They also offer classes with babies/kids such as music and dance and babywearing. There's a nursing group too who go to cafes together once a week. So lots of options for getting out of the house with the baby during parental leave.

This week my Dad came to visit for a few days which was lovely! I was feeling pretty good and we went out for long walks two of the days and also to some nice restaurants while hubby was at work. I really enjoyed spending some quality time together before it'll all be about the baby. In around a month he will be back with my sister to visit us and please God, the baby will have arrived safely. It was a bit emotional saying our goodbyes. It still feels surreal to me a lot of the time that I might actually get a real baby soon! Not sure when that will actually sink in.

I had another doctor's appointment and this time I paid extra for an ultrasound. I wanted one for peace of mind mainly! Everything looks good thankfully. The baby is still positioned head down. I'll go back to the doctor at the end of week 38 and then I've an appointment on my actual due date. The doctor's assistant said if I don't show up they'll assume I've given birth. It's really mad how little time there is left. I would like another week or two to feel more ready ideally but otherwise I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be!

My Dad told me that my Mum had very short labours for all three kids. Like only around 4-5 hours!! For my birth she woke him up around 5am after timing the contractions for awhile to be sure it was real and then they went to the hospital and I was there by around 9am. So a lot faster than I realised! It's a good thing if I take after her in that way and don't have long labours but it's something to be aware of. At the birth preparation course we had been told first time mothers labour an average of 12 hours and to spend the first 2-3 hours at home but in my case it sounds like I shouldn't hang around too much if things are moving quickly! It's something to be aware of. Of course I would time the contractions too. One of the evenings while my Dad was here I did have some cramps for awhile. They probably lasted around half an hour or so. They were uncomfortable but not so bad. Practice contractions I think! Apart from that no other indications of when the birth might be.

Happy Valentine's Day by the way!

Well...Are you fluent yet?

Without a doubt the top question people from home ask me has always been “are you fluent in German now?" They pretty much started asking me that from my first few weeks living here!

When I think of the word “fluent” I imagine understanding absolutely everything and since I'm not quite there yet then I feel bad about why not and tend to answer "no". However, a better definition of fluency is actually the the ability to get by in most situations, to make oneself understood and to be able to go about daily tasks such as working, going to the doctor, post office and so on without language problems or barriers.You might still have your accent and not sound like a native speaker but that's ok!

Often I'll be sitting in a meeting at work and have no problems keeping up with the conversation and tricky technical speak and I'll feel confident and fluent at that moment but then at another time I might be on a night out with a group of Germans in a noisy pub and I find it hard to follow the conversation with the background noise and then I feel a little lost. I used to ask people who had lived here a long time at what stage they felt really fluent and I was often told it took them three years living in the county but others said it took them at least five years.

Recently, I came across an article that helps explain how to tell whether you are fluent. One of the ways is that people don't modify their language for you anymore. When I first moved here I noticed that a lot of Germans would try to speak Hochdeutsch (high German - without using dialect or slang) and speak clearly to make it easier for me to understand. Now they talk quickly and normally using local dialects, which I'm now able to keep up with. Also I can watch TV shows and read articles in German and understand without having to stop to think about the translations in my head or acknowledge that it's not English, which is great.

My first month or so living here I found myself exhausted each night from the effort of having to constantly translate everything in my head, formulate an answer in English and translate that before speaking. Now something like 90% of the time I understand what's being said without having to try to think of the English equivalent. So I guess I would say I am fluent now!

If you speak other languages, at what stage did you feel truly fluent? Or do you think you will never reach that stage as a non-native speaker?