Since we've bought our house, questions from people asking if and when we are going to have kids have been more frequent. And some of the comments can actually be a little hurtful to someone who is trying to have a baby and struggling. We generally just say yes that we would like children since that's the truth but just wanting them isn't enough unfortunately!
We recently had some relations over to show them the house and they commented that it's too big a place for just us but ideal for a family of four. That stung. I know they meant it in a nice way as they assume having kids is just something you choose to do when you are ready.
The actual choice we face is how many rounds of IVF to go through before giving up. And how will we save enough to afford our mortgage AND a fourth round if this one doesn't work out. However, I have decided that it's ok to still be hopeful. Our "maybe baby" journey isn't over yet. We are not out of options so we will keep going, hoping the green room won't remain empty for too much longer.
Oh holy hell, I hate it when people equate the size of your house to the size of your family. Yes, it would be great to have kids in a bigger house if that's what you want, but PEOPLE WITHOUT KIDS CAN HAVE NICE BIG HOMES, too. Your square footage is not dependent on the number of humans that live there. We looked at a beautiful house (still the "one that got away") and when we said we thought it might be TOO big for us (3100 sq ft), the realtor was like, "oh, you have no kids? Too much house for you." No, no...only YOU decide how much house you need. People are so weird about that. I love the idea of a green room, thinly veiled but veiled enough to not be painful, I hope. It looks like it has beautiful light. I wish you so much luck with the maybe baby quest.
ReplyDeleteYes I think everyone can decide for themselves what size house they are happy with and people shouldn't be so judgemental! Any extra space could always be used as a hobby room or whatever. Thanks for the recommendation for stirrup-queens Friday blog roundup by the way!
DeleteOur flat is pretty big (we're literally the only people in the building who don't have kids!) but luckily the future baby's room currently actually is a guest room so people don't seem to notice that we actually have too many rooms for just the two of us ;-)
ReplyDeleteI hope the green room does become a child's bedroom, and in the meantime you spread out and make use of all that space! It's nobody's business how many rooms you want anyway.
thanks! We definitely have a lot of stuff everywhere so hopefully people won't ask too many questions about the purpose of the green room.
DeleteWe live in a big house. It's not really a family house though. We need at least two spare rooms, for family and friends who come to stay, and the other bedroom is a convenient library/office for me. So it's not that big at all! I'd find it hard to downsize, and fortunately no-one has suggested that to us ... yet ...
ReplyDeletehaving two spare rooms for visitors is nice. It was also important for me to find a place big enough to have a guest room and we also have a couch bed. Having a library/office area sounds nice. I love reading!
Deleteoh my gosh, i am so sorry for all the comments and whatnot you are getting. people can be so hurtful! when we moved out of our flat and into a 3 bedroom house, we constantly got asked when we'd be having kids. we can't enjoy the house on our own? lol. we aren't trying yet, but i can't imagine how horrible it is to field questions like that. my fingers and toes are crossed for you that the green room has an occupant soon :)
ReplyDeleteYes exactly the amount of comments since getting the house are annoying! When someone comments about how we should have lots of kids to fill up the rooms I just say that we might have a home cinema or walk in wardrobe instead! Thanks for your message x
DeleteI know that feeling all too well. We bought our house right before we started trying so I even gave people the tour of our house, introducing one of the bedrooms as a "future baby's room." Right now, the room is a guest room. For years, I've tried not to decorate it too much because I knew it would be changing soon. Now, I just roll my eyes when I go in there. I was so naive and young. I wonder what it's like for people to just think, "I want a baby. This will be his/her room," and then pop out a baby 9 months later. The comments from other people are so very hurtful. They have no idea what they're saying so try to enjoy the extra space. I've basically dubbed ours as the "laundry room" because I just throw all the clothes in there when I don't want to fold, iron, wash, etc. Can't do that with a kid in there!
ReplyDeleteI've several friends who just decided they were ready to have a baby, came off birth control and then got pregnant straight away! Crazy how some people can just plan it like that, down to the month. Anyway, I hope you will get to use your room for what it was intended soon too!
DeleteI really dislike when people ask that question. My mother's ex-supervisor (who turned out to be a real jerk) asked me twice within the span of five minutes "Do you plan to have kids?"
ReplyDeleteI wanted to punch him. How many times did I have to answer awkwardly, "We're not sure".
I don't know why people think it's polite these days to ask that question. It's not. I'm sorry you have to go through that.
I agree, it's just nosy and insensitive to be asking people questions like that. They should just mind their own business! It's always awkward knowing how to answer. At least one in eight couples experience infertility so it is actually quite common these days! I would never ask someone (who's not a good friend) about their family planning
DeleteI like your choices for the room. Sorry people have been making thoughtless comments and assumptions. I've many times been grateful that we have a smallish house. It has 3 bedrooms, one of which is unoccupied but all of which are used. I like being able to easily fill the space so it doesn't feel empty. I think it's important to plan how to use the rooms and decorate too, if you have the energy, so they don't just sit there.
ReplyDeletethanks. Yes I think I'm just going to use the room for something so it doesn't stay empty and sad looking!
DeleteI don't think it's delusional to be optimistic and hopeful. I do sometimes look back on how pessimistic and cynical I was from the very outset (refusing to make plans or believe it would work, etc) and a dark superstitious part of me thinks I scuppered things for myself - why should my body cooperate if my mind refused to accept the possibility of it happening?
ReplyDeleteThere's absolutely no harm in planning concrete things like this; there's nothing to lose in being positive apart from a few euros for paint and so on....
These results are always confusing but they'll tackle the NKCs with steroids and it's great news that your AMH is still within range.
Yes those questions are bloody annoying and I still think that's a very personal thing to probe people about but the nicest people can be so clueless and ignorant about this topic...
So many people just seem to be clueless about the possibility that someone might be struggling to get pregnant. I've been asked by male work colleagues several times lately and I just find it so invasive and awkward to answer!
DeleteThe last IVF I was doing a lot of positive thinking and meditation and it definitely can't hurt and might even help, who knows. Positive thinking alone doesn't get you pregnant though unfortunately! That's why when people say "just relax" it also annoys me!